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Peeps to Avoid…

Five People to Avoid at Parties…

So, being the attractive, socially-adept and popular human being you are, you’ve found yourself at a party. For the most part, parties can be enjoyed without worrying about blood loss or your own premature demise. However, the five individuals detailed in this article will do their level best to ruin your buzz, crush your self-esteem or extract every ounce of your pity like some kind of self-defeating vampire…these are five people to avoid at parties:


You’ve been standing in the corner of the room, mustering the courage to talk to the hottie you’re fairly sure you want to spend the rest of your life with. The fact that you decided this after a few drinks in no ways diminishes the importance of this decision. Just after you’ve taken your first step across the room, you see the Lothario/ Temptress move in. And instantly your drunken hopes of future happiness with the person of your dreams evaporate, because the Lothario/Temptress is more attractive, funnier and, in all likelihood, far more confident than you are. But you still have your now fairly empty bottle of spirits, so you’re the real winner, right?


Some people are depressing. And no matter how much you try to bribe, reason with or threaten them they’re going to bring you down too. They might have a terrible job, bad relationship or a lifetime of horrendous choices. Or they might just be a ‘Mood-Hoover’ who talks about their perfect life in such unremitting, excruciating detail it will suck your buzz away until it’s nothing but a metaphorical husk. In the end you’ll be exhausted, not to mention, depressed.


Some people laugh in the face of moderation. The Alcohol Supernova doesn’t. The Alcohol Supernova drinks in the face of moderation. The Alcohol Supernova is going to drink far too much, far too quickly, meaning that the party will contain roughly 100% more puke than anyone wanted or expected. There may also be an attempt at singing, with lyrics artistically replaced by more drinking, more puking and occasional lyrics from a completely different song. And if they get their claws into you… you’ll be the one that has to get them home at the end of the night!


There is a ‘Bob’/‘Bobette’ at every party. You’ll be sitting on a sofa, nursing your favourite beverage, when ‘Bob’/‘Bobette’ will infiltrate your personal space, taking advantage of your rising inebriation to blindside you with pleasant conversation. The reason for the ‘Bob’/‘Bobette’ is that you simply don’t know enough about them to be any more specific. You know them, you just don’t know how or where from. Even worse they seem to remember every detail about you. In order to minimise your guilt, and damage to their feelings, you need to extricate yourself from this situation ASAP.


You’ll notice this particular piece of social detritus wedged firmly in the corner of the room, his shifty eyes scanning everyone and everything. While outwardly pleasant, and needless to say, devilishly handsome, you can tell that his mind is elsewhere. Which of course it is; as he’s completely dissecting your being, finding what he perceives to be your major personality flaws and wittily presenting them to the world.

Written by Nick Bush


Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net